Your silence, your egocentrism.. these things, they mystified you. The way you minced compliments, the way your gaze met my nude art with no interest, it made me want to take two-nights off just to figure you out…
I used to turn you on with ease…. Fondling my parts made you horny & although I couldn’t define who or what I meant to you, I was happy each time I was with you..
Time is making me an unnecessary want, age is making my body run out of firmness… Whatever it was that got you the first time in a room full of Caucasians of carefully crafted figures, whatever it was that made you fuck me like you needed this body for fulfillment.. I’m figuring it out tonight…
Nov 17. 2012.
A Blue long sleeve top with a low back and my favorite True Religion Jeans was all i wore. Pony tail, court shoes, bracelet. I was calm & I listened more than I spoke… Was that what you fell for?
I was calm until spliff went deep across the bridge of sanity & oneness… I pulled your pants down… High af… Racing my hands across your balls… Sucking on your dick….. You loosened up. Admittedly none before me had done better. You loved how I squeezed on your nipples & sucked on one while I was pussy grinding in a parallel position helplessly over your body.
I sucked your ass. I ate it good. I was me with you. I fingered your butt hole. Nothing was disgusting to me as long as it was for you. I loved how mysterious you were so I kept coming back. Few steps after we’d shut the door to privacy… I’d go down on you.. I’d hear you exhale… As the tenderness of my lips traced the length and entire size of your dick.
You’d turn me… Fuck me. Sit me on the couch race-ride in me, we’d talk as friends, laugh at stupid things, you’d give the most amazing massage & then I’d fall into a deep trance of the possibilities of a “you” with “me”… If I made you so happy, why couldn’t you stay?
I mounted the cards on the table… I was going to fix this puzzle… I was going to make sense out of this fuck buddy status.. I failed so many times… I’d say “fuck him” but deep across two rail-paths of my mind, I missed you. You had become my friend. Not hearing from you could ruin a potentially good evening.. I’d call you, you’d choose when & how to answer. I’d text you, I was becoming too irritating to you. You had seen too much of me.. Lol…
Then I sleept longer than the usual 7hours I’m lucky to sleep for & I woke up different. I was tired. Tired of everything. I honestly was slowly getting a hang of what your best game was… The pieces of this puzzle was almost coming together. & I wasn’t even doing a lot. You were showing “you” daily.
I took a pen and scribbled 10 reasons why I fell for you…. Then across each. I realized that for each ‘special’ way you treated me, some chick elsewhere had her story too. For each way you rewarded me, several others had serial-stories… I saw you as a friend, they did too.. So it hit me…. There’s nothing different about me. LOL!!
But I wasn’t mad. I honestly wasn’t upset. I was worried how I’d cope without you… What we had was dope!! But then i remembered who I was before you came through, I remember I was just that nasty girl, that rude tiny being, I had nothing, but I was happy, I was loyal to my niqqaz, I never wore a single outfit to impress anyone, I never for once let feelings seep through the bed linen. I did whatever i wanted, i spoke to people according to their sins.. I was bad cos i wanted something more out of life. Youthful exuberance was a plus too.
Now I think back to the times I’d call you and you were too busy. Times I’d be fucking another niqqa & my heart is with you, times when I’d feel crippled cos I could do nearly nothing without mentioning your name. I was consumed by you. But after figuring you out, I realized that you were just like every other niqqa probably weaker… Scared of being betrayed, scared of being taken for granted, scared of being manipulated…. I realized that my speculations about you were mine ‘exclusively’ and that you are indeed capable of many other things I may not easily comprehend.
So, no matter how much you flood my TL, no matter how much I’m forced to remember you, one thing is clear, I’m never sucking that dick, if all the girls can have you, you’re also not much of challenge.
Your Fuck Buddy.
✌❤ Haile.
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